Dear Joss Whedon,
Recently I grew up.


I guess. Sort of.
 Well maybe I just learned a small lesson in one of the many that are sure to fill my life.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and had one of those moments where reality replaces fiction and things get a little too shiny.

Me on the left with Lauren (the Bride) and Mallory(The Maid of Honor)

I watched  some good friends of mine walk down the aisle, say their vows, and then commit to spending the rest of their lives with one another.
And that is not the end of the story! After they made this commitment in front of all their friends and family and the marriage license had been signed, CREDITS DID NOT START ROLLING.
Their reception didn't flash before my eyes in short clips filled with all the cutest moments and no other couples connected eyes as they danced and realized something special about the other person.
I WAS carried into the reception in a duffle bag, which was wonderful but it was hardly a scene from your typical Rom-Com.


Life kept happening.


They woke up the next day and were still married as they will be doing for the rest of their lives.
You have had a few wedding scenes in your work.  And they all beg the question: What is your problem with healthy, long lasting marriages?

Imprinted to be his perfect woman. 

                             

                                 Left at the alter after a demon convinced her fiancé that they would be miserable together.

 The closest you have ever come to a 'happy ending couple' is Serenity.

  and Wash (Alan Tudyk) dies in that one!

 In light of this realization I am quite surprised that you chose to do 'Much Ado' as opposed to 'Hamlet' for your Shakespeare tribute. 

Although I suppose Beatrice and Benedick didn't have the most wildly functional of relationships. Perhaps that's why you chose them. 

I'm sort of hoping that as I continue to learn those crazy life lessons that I won't have to learn them through a dozen more relationships that go up in flames. So, yea. I love your work but I won't be using the relationships you have created as models for my own life. 

I am also hoping that no matter how many lessons I learn they won't cause me to grow up anytime soon. It doesn't sound like a super fun experience.

Hoping you're well,

Erin Michele

A dream where she burned up

Buffy is Slaying My Life

Walls. Buffy's true nemesis.

Dear Joss Whedon,

Guess who writes letters to your royal Whedoness yet has not seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the very thing you are most known for? This guy.

Guilty

It's not that I haven't been interested before but I just never got around to it. I remember seeing it around in high school and thinking it was too girly (wrong). I remember having friends in college who were really really into it but unfortunately they did not persuade me as they were also really really annoying.

Like your relationship with Fox.

That kind of annoying.

At 145 episodes it seemed like quite the task. But since we have built such a great friendship (call me Joshua) and I have enjoyed your other work so much I finally decided to give Buffy a chance. Unfortunately, I also planned on still having a life. Mistake.

Buffy...

That picture is me shortly after rolling out of bed this morning. I have become a vampire myself but instead of blood I feast on Buffy episodes and the daylight I avoid is called having a life. I have been possessed by the demon known as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

I should have seen this coming. I can be a bit obsessive. I have already rushed through season 1 (you were still figuring it out) and I am in the middle of season 2 (Spike, yay). I even perused ebay for a Buffy poster worthy of watching over my computer desk.

Close but where is the stake?

To not completely destroy my life I have had to make deals with myself. Right now my fangs are hungry to sink themselves into another episode but I will not allow myself such pleasure until I finish my chores. One of them was finishing a short film script and another is this letter that you are reading right now. Not that writing to you is a chore (call me Josh) it is just everything that is not me watching Buffy seems a bit duller.

Will I be able to keep BTVS at bay and get some work done or will I give into my baser desires and become just another victim in Buffonia? Tune in next time! Speaking of which I think I have earned myself another Buffy episode. I will talk more about BTVS as I go along so at this current rate expect my full report by Thursday. Thanks for creating such a great show. -Josh (Call me whatever you want but do call me, heh.)

We need an exorcist to cast the Whedon out.

Dear Joss Whedon,
Have you heard of the Nielsen company?
That was probably a stupid question. I would guess that people who have actually had television shows on air would be up to speed with the Nielsen ratings.

I actually just found out about Nielsen ratings and am outraged! A company that pays families to monitor their tv habits?! They could just pay me to tell them what shows are good and what shows are crap. Seriously, it wouldn't be that hard. In fact it would be the most simple thing since they made the decision to kill Hitler. 

All you have to do is look at who created the show. Are they awesome? If the answer is yes the show would get the green light. Historically awesome people are critical of their own work so they wouldn't let mindless drone shows get made under their name. 

If the person was remarkably un-awesome they would still get a chance but the show would not get the awesome seal of approval and it would have to work twice as hard to get noticed by viewers. If they were able and willing to put the work in then they too would earn the awesome seal of approval.

I think this would really help to weed out some of the terrible shows that keep getting on television and more remarkably staying on television.

Honestly, how many 'Law and Orders' can there be? How many more 'Dawson's Creek's will people allow themselves to gorge their poor helpless minds upon? 

We need better than Nielsen because clearly the people we are monitoring are deeply ignorant and happy staying that way. Dancing with the stars? Where Bristol Palin is considered a star? Really America? 

But enough slamming on the poor people Nielsen monitors. I just wanted you to know that if I had known about how ratings were determined in 2009 I would have found every last one of the monitored homes, tied up their occupants every saturday night and turned all of the TV sets to Dollhouse.

It would never have left the air under my vigilante crusade. And yes I know what you're thinking: wouldn't people start calling the cops after being tied up on saturday night after a few weeks? You caught me. They would have ACTUALLY been slyly administered heavy doses of tylenol PM.... yes it would eventually not be okay for their health but what are few casualties when it comes to reworking the system of ratings?

Josh's writing has taken a small decline in quality since I started his doses. But he was really good to begin with so it didn't hurt to take him down a few pegs. 

Just let me know if you need me to do ANYTHING to help with getting Nielsen straightened out.

Sincerely,

Erin Michele

Dear Joss Whedon,
Today has been a fail. I could have done a great number of productive things. 
My final essays, studied for pathology, practiced guitar, finished a short story, done some meditation, yoga, read my bible, thought of all the things I could write you about. Instead I read a couple of chapters from a book that I have already read before. 
Do you ever have that problem? The problem of seeking easy and familiar because it feels momentarily better than getting things done. It is almost an epidemic really. 


How did you get yourself motivated every day to think of and then create brilliant things? There has to be some sort of secret because Firefly doesn't come from sheer luck. 
BTW I will sign any sort of petition set in front of me stating that we need to get Firefly back on the air. It sincerely saddens me to think that shows that are flopping about, and scrounging for new plot to break ground on are still firmly in their time slots while the insanely wonderful Dollhouse has been ousted. 

But I digress. 
Are there any creative exercises you do? Will you be offering any workshops in the future that I might acquire a pass to?


Any help you can offer me will be met with eager ears.
                                    Awaiting your response,
                                            Erin Michele