Dear Joss Whedon,
Recently I grew up.


I guess. Sort of.
 Well maybe I just learned a small lesson in one of the many that are sure to fill my life.
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and had one of those moments where reality replaces fiction and things get a little too shiny.

Me on the left with Lauren (the Bride) and Mallory(The Maid of Honor)

I watched  some good friends of mine walk down the aisle, say their vows, and then commit to spending the rest of their lives with one another.
And that is not the end of the story! After they made this commitment in front of all their friends and family and the marriage license had been signed, CREDITS DID NOT START ROLLING.
Their reception didn't flash before my eyes in short clips filled with all the cutest moments and no other couples connected eyes as they danced and realized something special about the other person.
I WAS carried into the reception in a duffle bag, which was wonderful but it was hardly a scene from your typical Rom-Com.


Life kept happening.


They woke up the next day and were still married as they will be doing for the rest of their lives.
You have had a few wedding scenes in your work.  And they all beg the question: What is your problem with healthy, long lasting marriages?

Imprinted to be his perfect woman. 

                             

                                 Left at the alter after a demon convinced her fiancé that they would be miserable together.

 The closest you have ever come to a 'happy ending couple' is Serenity.

  and Wash (Alan Tudyk) dies in that one!

 In light of this realization I am quite surprised that you chose to do 'Much Ado' as opposed to 'Hamlet' for your Shakespeare tribute. 

Although I suppose Beatrice and Benedick didn't have the most wildly functional of relationships. Perhaps that's why you chose them. 

I'm sort of hoping that as I continue to learn those crazy life lessons that I won't have to learn them through a dozen more relationships that go up in flames. So, yea. I love your work but I won't be using the relationships you have created as models for my own life. 

I am also hoping that no matter how many lessons I learn they won't cause me to grow up anytime soon. It doesn't sound like a super fun experience.

Hoping you're well,

Erin Michele

A dream where she burned up

 Dear Joss Whedon,
Sometimes I just want to sit at this computer and tell you all about my day. But alas the pace of my life does not allow for much leisure letter writing. Especially now while I am studying to take me state licensure exam for massage therapy!

Um yea. 4 Books in 8 days. Sounds doable.

So as you can see the topics I wish to discuss with you will have to wait for a week or so while I cram lots of knowledge into my brain. I hope you don't get too anxious while waiting for more letters to come.

Topics that I need your feedback on:

1. Why on earth can't every show be as good as Buffy: The Vampire Slayer?  Specifically Fringe.

                                                                                                      VS

They set it up to be awesome and then no follow through. They probably should have come to you. 

2. Weddings. Your aversion to happy couples.

3. Massage and the Whedonverse. How some of your characters could have benefited from a good hour of relaxation.

4. My adventures at Fan Con. That is right. I am going to Fan Con this weekend and I fully intend to forward you the letters I will be giving to James Marsters and Nicholas Brendan. 

Never Been more excited!

I hope you are doing well, but more importantly I hope that you are writing something wonderful! Next letter will include happy tidings of passing my licensure exam.

Yours Truly,

Erin Michele

Happy Birthday!

Dear Joss Whedon,
Happy Birthday!

Totally not Photoshopped.

You have totaled 48 years of awesome as of today. We didn't get you a gift because we could not think of anything to get you that would outshine the gift of The Avenger's success. Keep on being awesome! -Josh Flowers and Erin Michele Gabbard

p.s. We hope you had a better birthday party than the ones had by your characters.

Great, Whedon gave me another demon. Happy Birthday?

Buffy Season 2: My Opinion

Dear Joss Whedon,

I have finished Buffy the Vampire Slayer season two.

I love if you know nothing of BTVS, how weird Giles looks. Creepster.

I liked it. Duh. The first season was good but the second season really seemed a bit more solid. It had more continuity and a little less of the monster of the week feel. So Mr. Whedon, I hope you do not mind me judging your creation. Let's consider it an award show, but instead of one of those Emmys you deserved but did not attain, you get a Josh's nod of approval.

I even dress up for the occasion.

Favorite episode

"Halloween"

There were so many good episodes I debated on from "School Hard" to "Innocence" to "Becoming." It was a good season. I decided to go with "Halloween" because out of all the episodes it is the one I most want to watch again right now.  It was fun. I am a big fan of episodes that change the playing field. Seeing Xander as a soldier and Buffy as a scared 18th-century noble woman.

Also it highlights one of my favorite things about the series, BTVS does not forget details. 

Who would have thought anything from this episode would carry on once the credits rolled? Yet Xander becoming a solider became an important part of several future episodes. 

So good job Mr. Whedon. Your attention to detail ruins other shows for me just a little bit more.

Least favorite episode

"Go Fish"

I just wasn't digging the high school kids turned into creatures from the black lagoon. Reminded me more of a Are You Afraid of the Dark episode than Buffy, well except for more implied rape, I'll talk about that in a minute.

Favorite moment

"Innocence" 

A rocket launcher!

Yes, it is obvious but how can you have a different favorite moment than Buffy using a rocket launcher on a demon? After countless hand to hand combats it was kind of cathartic to just see her blow the new all powerful baddie apart.

Least favorite moment

"Ted"

Wow, that Three's Company finale really had a twist.

I just disliked when Ted is found out to be a robot. Not that I wanted Buffy to kill someone but I was really interested in seeing the show tackle such a complicated topic.  Does she have the right to use her powers to kill a human even if they are evil? I felt the air go out of the episode when it was revealed he was a robot. All the possibilities were gone when it turned out just to be another "monster" that she should be fine with killing. 

Most disturbing moment

"Go Fish"

In the episode the coach throws Buffy down a hole where his former team who are now water monsters are so they can take care of their other needs AKA rape her. They are already full from eating someone else so this was implied to be Buffy's purpose. Buffy escapes and then the coach gets knocked in and we get this scene.

COACH MARTIN 

Boys! Boys, uh, now, now, boys! No! I... 

They attack him.

COACH MARTIN

No, boys!

He screams and struggles as they pull him 

under. Buffy pulls her arm back up.

BUFFY

Those boys really love their coach.

I can never look at fish sticks the same way. You can? Remind me to 

turn down your next invite to Red Lobster, pervert. Heh.

Favorite line

"Surprise"

So many choices. This was the hardest thing to decide. Even when a episode was a bit off you could always count on some good dialogue. I am sure when I rewatch this season my choice will change for now my favorite quote belongs to Xander and his mocking of the possible end of the Angel/Buffy relationship.

Xander: 

Hmm, it's sad, granted. But let's look at the upside for a moment. I 

mean, what kind of a future would she've really had with him? She's 

got 2 jobs -- Denny's waitress by day, Slayer by night -- and Angel's 

always in front of the TV with a big blood belly, and he's dreamin' 

of the glory days when Buffy still thought this whole creature of the 

night routine was a big turn-on.

Classic Xander. So thanks for season two of Buffy, Mr. Whedon. I will save you a seat up front for season 3's award show. That is if I ever can stop watching long enough to write about it. I am so addicted. I am just glad you can't fit in a syringe or I might really be in some trouble. 

Take care. -Josh Flowers

So sleepy

Dear Joss Whedon,
How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I'd like to know so that I can begin to adjust my own patterns similarly. My new theory on how to become like my role models is to mimic their sleep cycles so that I can wake up with my brain on the same functioning level as theirs. It would be great if you  could take the next week to document your productivity levels after each night of sleep.
Don't forget to include naps, and you should probably describe the environment.
It would be great if you could document dreams as well. They aren't crucial to my new theory. I am simply curious.
Do you think the way Spike sleeps on a concrete slab is comfortable? He may be a vampire, but really? He's fine with that?

But I must digress. I am incredibly tired at the moment (which seems like a good explanation for why I am inquiring about your sleep cycles.)

I am hoping to have sweet dreams of slaying vampires and then singing about it in my blog.


                                                       Good night,
                                                  Erin Michele Gabbard

Buffy is Slaying My Life

Walls. Buffy's true nemesis.

Dear Joss Whedon,

Guess who writes letters to your royal Whedoness yet has not seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the very thing you are most known for? This guy.

Guilty

It's not that I haven't been interested before but I just never got around to it. I remember seeing it around in high school and thinking it was too girly (wrong). I remember having friends in college who were really really into it but unfortunately they did not persuade me as they were also really really annoying.

Like your relationship with Fox.

That kind of annoying.

At 145 episodes it seemed like quite the task. But since we have built such a great friendship (call me Joshua) and I have enjoyed your other work so much I finally decided to give Buffy a chance. Unfortunately, I also planned on still having a life. Mistake.

Buffy...

That picture is me shortly after rolling out of bed this morning. I have become a vampire myself but instead of blood I feast on Buffy episodes and the daylight I avoid is called having a life. I have been possessed by the demon known as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

I should have seen this coming. I can be a bit obsessive. I have already rushed through season 1 (you were still figuring it out) and I am in the middle of season 2 (Spike, yay). I even perused ebay for a Buffy poster worthy of watching over my computer desk.

Close but where is the stake?

To not completely destroy my life I have had to make deals with myself. Right now my fangs are hungry to sink themselves into another episode but I will not allow myself such pleasure until I finish my chores. One of them was finishing a short film script and another is this letter that you are reading right now. Not that writing to you is a chore (call me Josh) it is just everything that is not me watching Buffy seems a bit duller.

Will I be able to keep BTVS at bay and get some work done or will I give into my baser desires and become just another victim in Buffonia? Tune in next time! Speaking of which I think I have earned myself another Buffy episode. I will talk more about BTVS as I go along so at this current rate expect my full report by Thursday. Thanks for creating such a great show. -Josh (Call me whatever you want but do call me, heh.)

We need an exorcist to cast the Whedon out.

Dear Joss Whedon,
Have you heard of the Nielsen company?
That was probably a stupid question. I would guess that people who have actually had television shows on air would be up to speed with the Nielsen ratings.

I actually just found out about Nielsen ratings and am outraged! A company that pays families to monitor their tv habits?! They could just pay me to tell them what shows are good and what shows are crap. Seriously, it wouldn't be that hard. In fact it would be the most simple thing since they made the decision to kill Hitler. 

All you have to do is look at who created the show. Are they awesome? If the answer is yes the show would get the green light. Historically awesome people are critical of their own work so they wouldn't let mindless drone shows get made under their name. 

If the person was remarkably un-awesome they would still get a chance but the show would not get the awesome seal of approval and it would have to work twice as hard to get noticed by viewers. If they were able and willing to put the work in then they too would earn the awesome seal of approval.

I think this would really help to weed out some of the terrible shows that keep getting on television and more remarkably staying on television.

Honestly, how many 'Law and Orders' can there be? How many more 'Dawson's Creek's will people allow themselves to gorge their poor helpless minds upon? 

We need better than Nielsen because clearly the people we are monitoring are deeply ignorant and happy staying that way. Dancing with the stars? Where Bristol Palin is considered a star? Really America? 

But enough slamming on the poor people Nielsen monitors. I just wanted you to know that if I had known about how ratings were determined in 2009 I would have found every last one of the monitored homes, tied up their occupants every saturday night and turned all of the TV sets to Dollhouse.

It would never have left the air under my vigilante crusade. And yes I know what you're thinking: wouldn't people start calling the cops after being tied up on saturday night after a few weeks? You caught me. They would have ACTUALLY been slyly administered heavy doses of tylenol PM.... yes it would eventually not be okay for their health but what are few casualties when it comes to reworking the system of ratings?

Josh's writing has taken a small decline in quality since I started his doses. But he was really good to begin with so it didn't hurt to take him down a few pegs. 

Just let me know if you need me to do ANYTHING to help with getting Nielsen straightened out.

Sincerely,

Erin Michele

Molar's Avengers

Dear Joss Whedon,

I am that cool.

I saw the Avengers at a midnight screening and it was a lot of fun. The house was packed and the audience verbally loved it. It was like I was watching it with an audio commentary by fan boys...which when I think about it I was. Dolby digital dweeb surround sound speakers of approval.

One of the dweekers.

How does it feel now to have such wide approval? I mean you were never really lacking for it with your dedicated fan base and Buffy. But with reaching this level of international success it must put the biggest smile on your face.

If you got 'em, flaunt 'em.

What a great grin. I hope though it doesn't get out of control. Soon your smile grows so huge that it will be bigger than your face.  It will destroy small cities and enslave the remnants of their populace.

When one day you eventually frown the people will be so unable to adjust to their new found toothless freedom that mass suicides will be reported and many virgins will be sacrificed just to see those pearly whites again.

Just imagine their power after Avengers 2.

 Eventually people will evolve to breath not oxygen but teeth and live off your precious gum nutrients. They will build idols of your molars from your teeth. Wars will be fought with plaque and gingivitis. A root canal will take on an even worse and disturbing meaning. 

You thought dentists were scary now. 

Then...ahem, I believe I got a bit off topic there. What I really wanted to say is that The Avengers was fun and thank you. I saw it with my fellow letter writer Erin Michele Gabbard and we loved it. Here is to your next project! -Josh Flowers.

Her crush.

My crush (like I had a choice).

.

Dear Joss Whedon,

"Welcome to the man club." -Joss Whedon

"I hate when people make up quotes for me."  -J.W.

Or at least that is what I imagine your quote will be upon reading this letter.  But what possible thing could I have done to warrant such a response? That's right, I tied (with the help of youtube) my own tie. A half-Windsor but nevertheless a whole accomplishment.  

As you can tell I was quite proud.

I always thought of the tie as the Rubik's cube of silk. And much like the cube I accomplished it by cheating. No, my tie trick did not involve removing the colored stickers and placing them on the correct side. No, my fashion fraud involved someone else tying it and then myself never untying it.

Countless times I would bust out those pre-tied ties and no one was ever the wiser. Sometimes I was even a clip-on man(which sounds a bit more disturbing than I meant it to be). My dastardly plan fooled hordes of people at the occasional wedding, funeral or talk show.


  Don't ask.

But ultimately I was fabricating my fabric finesse.

Most of the pictures of yourself with a collar would make it seem you are not a fellow member in the man's club. But I know it is just because you feel no need to show off all the time. Even Superman sits down occasionally. Anyway Joss Whedon is more like your Clark Kent when actually you are fashion guru.

Collar, t-shirt and no tie? 
Yeah, I started that.

So here is to you Mr.Whedon and also a bit to myself...here is to us, our manness and our upside down noose tying abilities. Cheers!

Man member # 1,306,212

Take care Mr.Avenger.  -Josh Flowers

p.s. Next man club footstep to follow in? Let's try for the feature film premiere. It has to be easier than the full Windsor.

Impossible. How many fingers have been lost in this knot?

Dear Joss Whedon,
Today has been a fail. I could have done a great number of productive things. 
My final essays, studied for pathology, practiced guitar, finished a short story, done some meditation, yoga, read my bible, thought of all the things I could write you about. Instead I read a couple of chapters from a book that I have already read before. 
Do you ever have that problem? The problem of seeking easy and familiar because it feels momentarily better than getting things done. It is almost an epidemic really. 


How did you get yourself motivated every day to think of and then create brilliant things? There has to be some sort of secret because Firefly doesn't come from sheer luck. 
BTW I will sign any sort of petition set in front of me stating that we need to get Firefly back on the air. It sincerely saddens me to think that shows that are flopping about, and scrounging for new plot to break ground on are still firmly in their time slots while the insanely wonderful Dollhouse has been ousted. 

But I digress. 
Are there any creative exercises you do? Will you be offering any workshops in the future that I might acquire a pass to?


Any help you can offer me will be met with eager ears.
                                    Awaiting your response,
                                            Erin Michele

Dear Joss Whedon,
I was only a tyke when Buffy: The Vampire Slayer was made into a movie and not quite old enough to stop watching the Disney channel when the show finally came out. 

But when I finally did find Buffy through midnight reruns I knew I had found more than just a show. I found a wonderful world that would speak to many different age groups for years to come. 
I am not one of those people who knows a film by who directed it. You were the first and only director/creator of a show who's career I follow. 
I look forward to many more wonderful things of your doing.


Sincerely,
Erin Michele

P.S. I am in The Avengers. Ya know where Loki tells all the people to kneel? I am the blonde front and center. If you like my work there give me a call and we will talk about what I can do for your next project.

Dear Joss Whedon,
Thank you for The Avengers! Best birthday gift ever!
I mean it's no weapons chest or arm of judge but I'm pretty happy with it.
First time my face will be on a very large screen and you are directing.
This is from when I had to put curlers in so the hair people could go faster. I think I made more of a mess.

Anyway, even though I couldn't score a sweet preview ticket like Flowers (my co-writer) I am really excited to see it at midnight on thursday/friday. It is bound to be amazing. 

Thanks for being terrific,

Erin Michele

Dear Joss Whedon,

I think I used to kind of hate you. Well not hate but there was definitely a lot of avoiding on my part. You just invaded geekdom so quickly and I could not handle it. I was a geekly antibody and viewed you as a virus rather than a friend. There were just too many mentions of the word "Buffy" AKA bacteria floating around. But I think part of the real problem was vampires.

Besides Nosferatu, Count Duckula and a Dracula view-master slide, I have always loathed vampires. To me if monsters were high school then vampires would be the cool rich kid. The one who was assured success simply by coming out of the womb. Not that I am putting down emerging from a womb. I mean it is tough work. I have only done it once and it took me the better part of nine months, but I just think there should be more to success than a last name. Vampires were too cool. I wanted to punch them in the face with my foot. With that being said I now realized it should have turned me on to Buffy much quicker, I mean she is a vampire slayer after all. I however was not. So when did it all change? Firefly. A short lived western sci-fi television program. Which you followed up with Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. You cannot even begin to work the brain muscles to dislike a guy who created a superhero musical.

I have given in. I am no longer sick of you but am now sick with you. My immune system has fallen to Whedonitis and I hope I never recover. I am sorry I did not give in to you for so long. Being that the Avengers will be released shortly I can only see this infirmary getting even more crowded. Bring on the sickness Mr. Whedon. Being well is too boring. I hope you are having a great day Mr.Whedon. -Josh Flowers

p.s. I will let you know how awesome I thought Avengers is after the midnight 3D imax screening. If you would like for me to see it sooner, I would not object, heh.